5 People Who Will Probably Be At Your Thanksgiving Table
There is a reason that kids grow up and move away from home. That reason is the close bond that we form as a family can become quite a burden when family members have moved on from childhood to adulthood. It's the tension that always bubbles up when we show up as who we are but are viewed by others as how we once were.
Throw in a little booze and it can make for some fun times between the blessing and dessert. Chances are you're going to run into one of the five people mentioned below. You might be related to them, hell they might be you. Let's see who is coming to dinner.
This is the guy who was never able to actually play sports but is now the self appointed guru of the gridiron thanks to his big score on Draft Kings. In that big score he parlayed $25 dollars into $4.80 but in his mind he is still a winner. He will constantly be craning his next to see the game. He will make inappropriate judgement about the officiating, the play calling, even the uniforms just to hear himself talk. The good news is he won't be bothering you unless you step in front of the TV.
This could be a grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle or even a parent that has gotten to that age in life where they really don't care whether you care to hear what they have to say. They are going to say it. They are going to say loudly. They are going to keep saying it until they get a response. From Obamacare to underwear anything is fair game for the Unfiltered Elder. They know their time left on the planet is short and they are going to make sure you knew they were there. Fortunately turkey usually makes them sleepy. Give them a blanket and watch their wine intake and eventually they will pass out and be quiet.
This person has been working, planning, peeling, washing, rinsing, boiling, thawing, and praying that this meal will be the most epic meal ever. Since it's impossible to create a thousand different dishes with a stove that has only four burners and an oven that cooks slowly you can bet there will be tears. Then Cousin Janice will show up with a dish she was not asked to bring and all hell will break loose. Some will be forced to choose between Janice's dressing and the Over Emotional Chef's dressing, the results won't be pretty. Just count on a meltdown to occur right before everyone is called to the table. When it happens make sure all the knives are out of reach.
The flashes will be going off fast and furious as soon as she arrives and you can bet everyone will be challenged to smile at least once for the camera. You will hear the phrase " I gotta get this on Facebook" more times than you will hear "Detroit Sucks" on Thanksgiving. This self appointed documentarian is on a mission to make sure the entire Facebook world knows who was there, what was eaten, and who had way too much dessert. You can bet at sometime before all the guests leave the gal with the new iPhone will be invited to take a selfie from inside her own colon. Because the holidays bring out the best in people.
The only thing harder than being on a diet is being around somebody that is on a diet during a celebration of food. They want to make sure that everyone knows that all of this delicious bounty that is spread before them is off limits. Their reason? They have to fit into a Mardi Gras Dress, A bikini for a cruise, the backseat of their bosses car, a space capsule, or some other trumped up over blown life event that is far more important than having good manners. The Dieter can be seen taking a pinch of this and a pinch of that and putting it on her public plate. She will rave about how good the food is and how she wishes she could eat more. Later in the day she will found face first in a pecan pie in the spare bedroom.