South Louisiana Going To Hell? Proof In The Bible
Depending on whether or not you believe what the Bible states, many in South Louisiana are on the shrimp boat to Hell with their consumption of shellfish.
The God Hates Shrimp website lays it out for us, calling for us to call out the heathens who consume shellfish, calling for all Christians to join the crusade against seafood restaurants, lobstermen, and the state of Maine (I made that last part up).
Here is it in a nutshell (almonds and pistachios are both mentioned in the Bible, btw): according to the King James version of the Bible (and it was explained to me that, by King James, we don't mean Lebron), the Book of Leviticus states in 11:9-12:
9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
(And by abomination, think about that snowman that no one liked, ok?)
To confuse you further, or maybe clear things up: according to a random search of several sites on Google: Leviticus wasn't a person. One of the tribes of Israel was named after Levi, who subsequently changed his name to Israel. So the tribe was called the Levites, and after Greek translations of their scripture, the Book of Leviticus was born. Or begat.
From the words of that translation, it seems that, at some point, someone in the tribe got word from the Big Guy that said to treat shellfish (or any animal from the sea that didn't share the physical and biological properties of Nemo) as an abomination. Or, maybe the Levites were butchers and didn't want to have to compete with the succulence of shrimp and they made the whole thing up. Who knows?
So, what do you think? Is it okay to pick and choose what we follow in the Bible? Should we follow it verbatim? Or should we set up portable confessionals at the Shrimp Festival and let people eat up and then ask forgiveness? Will this (old, very very old) information make you reconsider ordering the Shrimp Remoulade Salad at Shucks this weekend?
By the way, in case you haven't noticed, I am not a religious scholar. Actually, not a scholar at all. I'm just a monkey with a keyboard.
If your interpretation of the words in Leviticus differ, please share!! Let us know what you get from the teaching.