What That Candy You’re Stealing From Your Kids Says About You
This Halloween will go down in history as the one we don't really remember. It's been so wet and soggy across South Louisiana that even if your community decided to move Trick-or-Treating to Thanksgiving you'd still get wet. Still, some communities and neighborhoods did get out and go ring some doorbells. Other places, like my house, are left with a big bowl of candy and the specter of temptation lurking in the room.
Most of us as semi-professional adults will find ourselves searching through the candy our kids went out to gather or the junk left in the bowl to find that perfect treat. The candy you choose says a lot about you. It provides a snapshot of your psyche. Let's take a quick look and see just how sick you really are.
The person who enjoys Reese's is a person who enjoys luxury. You like the finer things in life even though this combination of chocolate and unique peanut butter is not one of them. You're probably the same kind of person who thinks Grey Poupon mustard makes your ham and cheese better than any other sandwich. Let's face it you spend a lot of time lying to yourself in the mirror and you're good at it.
These pie shaped bits of pure sugar tell us that you are a traditionalist. You like things simple. You long for the days of old, like back when you had teeth. Sometimes you like to take these bits of candy corn and arrange them in your mouth as if you actually had teeth. They remind you of your old teeth. They are yellow along the bottom with a hint of brown and orange moving toward the gum line.
The silky chocolate and wonderful crunch contained within reveal all kinds of secrets about you. If you're a Kit Kat person you long to be a part of a group but secretly you love to break away and do your own thing. You are not the marrying kind. You will play the part while things are new then you will want to break apart and go do your own thing. When you get caught your defense is always the same. If they weren't supposed to be separated why did they make them that way. You are a cad.
You believe good things come in small packages and you have no taste in what good chocolate should taste like. The Tootsie Roll connoisseur wants others to believe they don't over indulge. Since Tootsie Rolls are so small it's an easy scam. It only looks like you're eating small portions but you're actually eating thirty or forty at a sitting. You have strong jaws because Tootsie Rolls can sometimes be as chewy as dog treats. You might also have a foot fetish.
You want people to think your tough. Secretly on the inside you're a softy. M&M's people are also flamboyant in a subtle kind of way. The desperately want to melt in your hands and leave their mark all over your physical being. However, they are satisfied by simply being enjoyed quietly. M&M's people are the hardest kind of people to figure out. While they want to appear different to the outside world the fact is, on the inside they are all the same. A fact that haunts you in your dreams and is the reason you watch reality TV.
You enjoy a good joke. You like to think of yourself as Betty White. You actually read the label on the candy bar to see what it really says before you buy it. The Snickers fan is the All-American. He or she just wants something sweet, something chewy, and something that gives them a sugar rush like a bolt of lightning. You are also an easy mark for advertising. You probably don't even like Snickers but their commercials are so darn funny you'll eat one just so you can tell your friends about the commercial.